"I hate it when a relationship starts losing its meaning. Words are carelessly thrown around, either being used too early or too often. Actions just lead & become all about sex. What makes a relationship special anymore? There is no more waiting; the mystery & simplicity of it all seem to have just disappeared."
i like small font. anyways, just got a blogspot cause i've been having the urge to blog lately. anyways, somethings been bothering me all day. & i just vented to caresse which made me feel better but it's still bothering me 'cause in all honesty - i'm fucked up. i'm just this whole mess of a person. 'cause I miss the beginning of the relationship. i miss when I'd anticipate seeing him at school in the morning. and i miss the flip flop i'd get when he hugged me from behind. i mean, i was watching cruel intentions today & it made me miss the chase. running and chasing. 'cause in all honesty i'm a runaway. i'm the best runner you can ever think of. i can avoid you & you'd never find me. but the truth is.. i want someone to find me. i want that chuck and blair thing, you know? i want to run from you and you chase me or vise versa. i want to be apart like, foreal like break up or some shit & me thinking about you all the time & vise versa would like give me a sign that maybe all this is real. maybe its not just something that passes & goes away. & i want that sign so bad.
& seriously i want to run. i'm so god damned selfish - cause i still want to run. even though i know god damn well it's hurting him. even though i know god damn well how good he is to me & shit i can trust him not to hurt me. but agh, just my mom and dad's relationship fucked me up even more than i was. & like i trusted my dad not to leave. & fuck, he did for someone else. so how can i know that majano won't ? & man, i'm feel so bad 'cause like it's like i'm crushing his dreams, y'know ? & it's like i'm messing someone up just like someone messed me up. & no one should be this messed up. agh, & that's another reason i want to run away. i'm not good for him. i can't stop myself from being selfish. i can't do whatever he wants.
but whenever i try to run, i always stop. 'cause i don't want to run. 'cause i want to be with him. 'cause it seems like he's actually in love with me. & it sucks cause i just continue hurting him. man, i'm tired. i don't want to depend on him. i really don't. i don't want to expect him to be there all the time. or chase me when i run. i dont want to hope. i dont want to be let down. aghhh..
i just want those innocent... butterflies back. when i didn't have so much to lose.
i like small font. anyways, just got a blogspot cause i've been having the urge to blog lately. anyways, somethings been bothering me all day. & i just vented to caresse which made me feel better but it's still bothering me 'cause in all honesty - i'm fucked up. i'm just this whole mess of a person. 'cause I miss the beginning of the relationship. i miss when I'd anticipate seeing him at school in the morning. and i miss the flip flop i'd get when he hugged me from behind. i mean, i was watching cruel intentions today & it made me miss the chase. running and chasing. 'cause in all honesty i'm a runaway. i'm the best runner you can ever think of. i can avoid you & you'd never find me. but the truth is.. i want someone to find me. i want that chuck and blair thing, you know? i want to run from you and you chase me or vise versa. i want to be apart like, foreal like break up or some shit & me thinking about you all the time & vise versa would like give me a sign that maybe all this is real. maybe its not just something that passes & goes away. & i want that sign so bad.
& seriously i want to run. i'm so god damned selfish - cause i still want to run. even though i know god damn well it's hurting him. even though i know god damn well how good he is to me & shit i can trust him not to hurt me. but agh, just my mom and dad's relationship fucked me up even more than i was. & like i trusted my dad not to leave. & fuck, he did for someone else. so how can i know that majano won't ? & man, i'm feel so bad 'cause like it's like i'm crushing his dreams, y'know ? & it's like i'm messing someone up just like someone messed me up. & no one should be this messed up. agh, & that's another reason i want to run away. i'm not good for him. i can't stop myself from being selfish. i can't do whatever he wants.
but whenever i try to run, i always stop. 'cause i don't want to run. 'cause i want to be with him. 'cause it seems like he's actually in love with me. & it sucks cause i just continue hurting him. man, i'm tired. i don't want to depend on him. i really don't. i don't want to expect him to be there all the time. or chase me when i run. i dont want to hope. i dont want to be let down. aghhh..
i just want those innocent... butterflies back. when i didn't have so much to lose.
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