Confessions.

confessions.
1. i like the gift majano gave me for christmas. i like how he knew i would like it. ( a snowglobe with out pictures)
2. every single time i hear the last couple lines of phantom of the opera where she kisses him and says, "You are not alone." & when he says, "Christine I love you." I still cry.
3. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind makes me cry when it goes, "At least make up a goodbye." and he goes, "I love you, clem." when she says, "Bye Joely." & it's making me tear now just thinking about it.
4. whenever I feel like crying I just watch these movies so that I have the excuse to bawl my eyes out.
5. Christmas didn't feel like christmas, but I'm thankful for the break. I'm dead tired of school and such.
6. Abby got me a classic winnie the pooh for christmas, it's a adorable.
7. I hate the fact that my dad always has to keep himself in the picture somehow.
8. I still get sad when I see his face. All I'm thinking is, "Why did it have to come to this?" this whole I hate you even if your my own father thing. & I remember the times he used to be there for us. & God, it still breaks my heart.
9. I'm fucked up. I don't know what I want, I don't know who I want to be. I don't know. That's like my motto, and I hate it.
10. God, I am so sleepy.
11. I want to scream "Penis!" out loud and say that I have torrets in public like they did in 500 days of summer.
12. I'm so tired right now.
13. I want to roleplay on gaia, just so I can get into the knack of writing again.
14. I don't like journalism anymore, maybe it's cause I'm lazy.
15. Me and majano have been way too busy for each other. His swim, me school. & whenever we see each other it's only for a short period of time. 3 hours. Which is short. trust me. To get all this whole physical stuff out of the way considering we haven't seen each other in like 3 weeks, usually. that usually takes 3 hours. & then we can talk. And i love that part. When we talk.
16. I think I think too much about majano.
17. I badmouth him all the time when I talk about him to people I don't know. I don't really know why. I called him a jackass in front of my friend Deanna. & she was like, "Why?" & I was just like cause he's selfish, spoiled, hardheaded, narrowminded. Yaddayaddayadda. But i love him anyway.
18. God, I hate that word. Love.
19. With a passion.
20. I dream about other guys sometimes.
21. But it's only cause me and majano are drifting? That's no excuse. I won't go kissing anybody else trust me.
22. God, I hate this whole shit.
23. I like victoria's secret perfume angel's desire. it smells great.
24. I don't want to sleep yet.
25. I'm getting fat.
26. I want to do something worthwhile but it all comes back to me. Cause I'm selfish.
27. I'm self-conscious.
28. Insecure.
29. and get jealous easily.
30. I only think about my flaws.
31. When there's probably one or two good things about me.
32. My hand hurts. To be continued.