Sink or Swim / Contendness.

I'm stressed. I've got a lot on my mind. I've been feeling rather incompetent lately. I compare myself a lot to those kids who have been headed towards college since their freshman year. Those kids that have been taking the SATs, and getting good grades, and making their parents proud. But I've had a good life, y'know. I've been through a lot. And I understand this blog is just a teenage girl's incessant complaining, but I gotta let it out somewhere. I've realized something though. That it's a sink or swim world. That regardless of the past, all I've got is today. And I might as well make the best out of today. And I may not be the smartest, prettiest, funniest, most confident girl in the world, but I am happy where I am, y'know? And I may not have a certain goal like becoming a doctor or anything, but I do know what I want my future to look like. I want to travel. Touch the world's wonders with my fingertips. I want to taste food in Italy, dance in Paris, help kids in Sudan, and jump off a cliff in Greece. I want to tell my kids, grandkids, all the adventures I had y'know? I want to be a story teller. Not necessarily a legend, or popular or anything like that. I just want to experience life at its utmost fullest. I want to see first hand all the things we've taken advantage of. All the moments in time that we didn't realize were completely gone. I want to help people.

Whenever I tell people that they always look at me funny. I'm not a person whose confident enough in their dreams to ignore said looks, y'know. I've got a weak heart. I'm naive. But I want to geniunely help people. So my plan is to major in business, get money and give it all away. I'm gonna buy a house for my mom, and a beach house for me and my sister. I just want to be happy in life, and as cliche as that sounds - it's the truth.

After reading these old blogs, and these old letters and such - I realized that I don't want my life to be a sob story. All these things, they're in the past. And I gotta let go in order for me to move forward. This summer, I barely even went to the beach or any other places. I mostly just stayed home and studied. And I'm not completely bummed out like I was the last two summers. I'm cool with it, cos well I had fun. Me and my sister watched movies, we played games, we played boggle, we napped, we watched toy story. I hung out with my sister and mom. My birthday we didn't even do anything. And it was cool yknow? We ran in the rain. My mom actually ran in the rain with us to our car. It was quite hilarious. We laughed. I hung out with my friends. I drank for the first time. I chilled with friends. I laughed with friends. I played skeeball with my boyfriend. Played maplestory with my best friends. Watched movies with SSUSQ. Yknow, it was cool. I didn't need to go on a road trip to have fun. We had fun just chillin at home. And I like that. That now I can be happy with the little moments we have. Because we're content 'cos we moved. We don't need to worry about our dad or anything. And I'm happy. I guess my mom was right.

Moving gave us our piece of mind.