why

why am i such a fuck up. i can never do anything right. just for once, i wanna do something right. i gave up doing it for lent. but i ended up doing it today. i hate myself. i hate myself so much. i told my sister a couple weeks ago about the condoms that im hiding for majano. im corrupting her mind. im just one big whole fuck up. i talk too much. i can never do anything right. im not strong willed. i cant do anything. i always end up doing shit that i dont want to. i always end up doing shit that i know is wrong. i know that my mom would be disappointed at me. i know my sister is disappointed at me. i wanna cry. why am i such a fuck up. what's wrong with me? why am i like this. why cant i just be calm and a good person. why. what is wrong with me. God, will he punish me for being like this? He's disappointed at who i am. i need to change. change. change. change. change. for lent. that's it. changing. no cursing, no slacking, no sexual related activities. nothing. nothing nothing. nothing. i need to stop. now.

ramble - 23432118908895364559

haven't rambled in a while. had the longest weekend and i'm tired, so i think i'm going to sleep early tonight. one more day before school. it's almost summer. <3 fucking looking forward to that. ah, but then i gotta make it the best cos i'm going to college soon. well a year and a half. it's crazy to think about. makes you feel rather melancholic about everything, so i won't think about it. i've been slackin' lately. did not do that article for the newspaper that was due on the snow day. woah, first article i haven't done for the newspaper. shame on me. shame shame shame. my sisters snoring away. i just want it to be summer already so i'm already chilling and such. no worries. <3 please, just take me to summer already.

it was valentine's day the other day, well yesterday. i don't really celebrate it but jay's been getting me something since freshman year, and i haven't gotten him anything. the only thing i got him was a card. it was lady and the tramp and it played belle notte when it was opened. but the card itself said, "With you, i just knew." that in itself describes our relationship. <3 oh love. such a silly game we play. & he got me this thing that lights up and shit && he got me another picture frame<3. it's cute. i might see him tommorow, but i'm not sure. he's getting his license soon. s'yeah. i had to tell someone about majano being dumb about not hiding the condoms so i accidentally said it to abby. i hope she forgets, 'cos when majano put them in my pocket and i said wheres my bag, she already knew i was gonna hide them. && like, she felt so bad. she was upset. now i know to keep my mouth shut. i talk to much. i talk too much. i talk too much. even with my mom. so now i know, that some stuff you just shouldn't say. && the problem with me is that i gotta tell people cos i don't wanna be quiet about it. it's not i want to brag, but i dont want to face shit alone again. && idkk. i just have a knack for word vomiting after the whole incident. no more talking ali no more talking. my wrist is killing me. && bubby bit me really hard and i have za cut/bruise on my arm muscle && its killing me. :/ goodnight for now, world.